Hi Good morning friends, hope all is well with you all today.
To be honest, for me, I was entertaining the idea of not writing a TGI Saturdays post this morning. You see TGI Saturdays was designed with the idea of being an upbeat, positive, celebratory post. Whereas, I feel sad today.
The thing is with me, is when I feel that way I have trouble being motivated to do things. Especially writing an upbeat post. When I feel this way I even have trouble praying. The words just don’t come out. That’s when I need someone to pray for me most of all.
Why I feel sad? For one thing, I have been feeling a little sad that TGI Saturdays guest (readers/linkers) have been very low lately and typical insecure me have been wondering, if people have stopped coming because of what I write. To me, my write-ups are okay. They are positive and honest, they represent me in the moment. And my hope is for people to like reading what I have to say. To want to respond with a comment. I have high hopes for AskLatisha one day, but for now in this really busy season, a TGI Saturdays post is all I could muster.
Now the thought of closing shop has entered my mind. I wonder if it is worth it. I tell myself, that Saturday blog hops are unpredictable, because people often have alot going on on Saturdays. So weekly guest fluctuation in numbers might not necessarily have to do with me per se. I also say to myself at least this is a way to practice and hone my writing skills, even if my audience is very small at the moment. At least I’m growing in this area, until I can do more. My husband doesn’t think it is worth it. Not having his support makes me feel even sadder.
That’s one of the reasons I’m sad today. The other is even more of an internal sadness. My life around me is very blessed right now. Except for this one big financial challenge on our plates at the moment. However, seeing God’s provision manifest itself through so many people and in so many ways this last week. There shouldn’t be a reason for this sadness.
So why am I so sad. I am very sad about my weight. I hate my body right now. I have never seen myself look this way. I hate looking at myself in mirrors and I hate having my picture taken. Don’t get me wrong, this is not a superficial thing. It isn’t because I overeat, or eat unhealthy. Our family actually eats very healthy. Very little starch, lots of fruits and vegetables everyday. I just need to establish a consistent exercise routine and better sleeping habits.
My body changed, after giving birth to 6 kids. With each new child, the more it changed.
I just look and feel unhealthy. My body is out of shape and I want to be healthier and stronger. But it feels like a mountain to climb. So much is asked of me daily already. I don’t know how much more I can give.
I want when people see me they see a “strong soldier” in God’s Army. A healthy mom and wife. I want to be an ambassador for God, and for people to see His goodness through me. They can’t see that, if I look so unhealthy. I need to do better. The big picture is overwhelming and one step at a time feels too slow, and I lose momentum. I truly need God’s help on this one.
Yesterday, I had to make a decision not to go somewhere fun (Homeschool Coop Outing) for various unfun grown-up reasons. That made me feel even sadder.
So that’s what’s up. The good and the not so good.
Anyway, that’s all for now. Maybe, I’ll see you next week.
Peace, Love and Blessings to you.