The Birth Control Question

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The Birth Control Question

pregnant bellyI don’t know if you caught this from a recent article I wrote called “Talking Duggars” but I really admire and respect the Duggar way of life. I think it is absolutely crazy for the most part the choices this couple has made regarding family planning. They have left the amount of children they were going to have completely in God’s hands and God decided that He was going to blessed them with a huge family.

The idea of me having that many kids is mind blowing. I think it would be wonderful and very hard if my life went in that direction. My heart desires to have a big family too (not that big though), but “the world” makes that idea seem foolish. Sometimes, I even get the impression that some people feel sorry for me.

Every time I pray, I pray and ask God to make me the woman he designed me to be, and then I have tried my best to listen to His voice and follow His calling on my life. For many years I have struggled with becoming the person that feels natural to me, because that person is completely different than the people around me or the people you see the most on t.v.

I pray God gives me the courage to stand firm in who I am and the choices I make, despite what people in my life think. I know I am not foolish and I have seen these people live their lives to suit themselves and make their choices, and the way their life looks, it doesn’t seem like a better alternative to me. It doesn’t look like a road to true joy, peace and Godly blessings.

I recently watched a video on YouTube entitled “What is Courage? A Motivational Speech feat. Martin Sheen” and from all his empowering words, these words stood out to me most “my fondest wish for each and every one of you young people here today is that you will find something in your life worth fighting for, because when you do, you will have discovered a way to unite the will of the spirit to the work of the flesh. And all of humanity will have discovered fire for the second time. It is my profound wish that the light from that fire will illuminate your path to that place where the heart is without fear and the head is held high, where knowledge is free.”

With words like that said time and time again in so many ways by so many speakers, it stands to reason that anything in this life worth having is worth fighting for. So what am I fighting for? I guess I am fighting for God’s voice to be heard through my voice and God himself to be seen through me.

I represent the women of this world, who desire to stay true to God’s original design for a woman. To be a wife, a mother and nurturer to our world’s future. This is not to judge women who have chosen different paths but to ask to not to be judged for the path I have chosen because it is my birthright as a woman of God.

I think about birth control and I wonder, what am I doing to my body? Am I supposed to be changing up the natural function it was designed for? After all, God is a master designer and He knows what He is doing. I hate taking a pill everyday and not fully understanding what it does to my body, other than preventing me from bringing another life into this world.

In fact, none of these birth control options (IUD’s, Implant, Shot) appeal to me, for the same very questions. What am I really putting into my body and what is it really doing to my body? Only its creators know and understand what it is made of and what it is supposed to do. Only God knows what it is really doing and what else it does other than what it is supposed to do.

Previously I have used birth control pills (reg and mini) and I struggled to remember to take them on time every day, secondly I’ve tried the Implant and I hated it (that is an article for another time) and we have also used condoms- which my husband and I both hate because to us it deadens the intimacy and joy of marital love-making.

I have just had my fourth living child, fifth delivery and I have yet to organize birth control. Medical professionals come off as though it is socially irresponsible of me not to use some form of birth control. They did ask in the Hospital, from my experience they ask all throughout pregnancy and practically the day after I gave birth. I told them I haven’t decided yet.

I thought about using the IUD, spoke to three people who used and recommended it, but something in my spirit changed my mind. However, I went to the clinic near my home to get something organized, for fear of getting pregnant right now. I eventually settled on using “Depo-Provera” (the shot) but they were out of it and said I had to come back on Monday. This was a Friday, a week before Christmas, so I decided, I’ll try again after Christmas.

I procrastinated and now two weeks after Christmas, still no birth control. Something in my spirit feels so off about messing with the natural order of my female body. I feel like God may be telling me not to.

I have thought about using the Fertility Awareness-Based Methods (FAM). That is a scary choice. It will take faith and responsibility on my part. Do I have the courage? Should I leave when and how many children I have in God’s hand?

Truth is, my heart is still fully open to the idea of having more children and to having a big family. Truly, I’d like not to have more right now, but to take a two-three year hiatus from having more babies. To grow our family’s business and come to a place of more financial security.

Nevertheless, I don’t doubt for a minute that God would provide our needs no matter how many children we have. He has so far. I believe that our plans and God’s plans could be vastly different and all things work together for the good of those who love Him.

So will I have the courage to step out in faith and trust God to take control my body, our sex-life and family size or do I take matters in my own hands and conform to the ways of this world? What would Jesus do, if He was a woman or what would He tell a young woman asking Him what she should do? I think I already know the answer.

Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will. Roman 12:2

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28

A man’s heart plans his way, But the Lord directs his steps. Proverbs 16:9

“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?” Matthew 6:25-27

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By |2017-02-22T13:19:15+00:00January 12th, 2015|Motherhood, My Journey, Womanhood|15 Comments


  1. Life Breath Present January 12, 2015 at 9:26 am - Reply

    These are very real questions and concerns for a family. I, too, have used birth control (the pill) in the past. I haven’t since being with Hun. We’ve been fortunate enough (we only have 1 child so far) that I had lactational amenorrhea for 15 months. We’re trying to conceive our 2nd child, but we’re also trusting my body will conceive when it’s ready.

    As for ‘big’ families. Our current desire is for 4 children. I don’t know if that’s in the cards for us, but it’s our desire. Big families aren’t bad things (as you pointed out), but it is about what works for you and your family. And when it comes to these questions and decisions in a mutually loving, open communication, and trusting relationship/partnership, I (personally) believe it’s about what feels right and best to you/your relationship.

    As a slight aside, I (partially) practice natural fertility, which (to me) is solely about awareness of my body’s functions, my cycles, and the signs there are. Like I said, I haven’t used it to avoid pregnancy, but I have read that it works. Hope some of this helps! :)

    Stopping over from Mama Moments Monday!

    • Latisha Barker January 13, 2015 at 6:43 am - Reply

      Thank you for your comments. I pray God gives you the desires of your heart. I wish you many blessings in your adventures present and future.

  2. Jessica January 12, 2015 at 10:19 am - Reply

    Oh Latisha! Beautiful post! Thank you for sharing your struggle over this topic. It is so similar to what I went through before leaving our family size up to God. It IS your birthright, and God gives you all the tools you need, even if you think sometimes He may have forgotten a few. Please Please please feel free to write me if you want to discuss this further. I may have some resources to help you if you and your husband choose to follow this path.

    • Latisha Barker January 13, 2015 at 6:39 am - Reply

      Hi Jessica,

      Thank you so much. I’m definitely going to take you up on that because I could use the advice.

  3. Rach D January 12, 2015 at 12:34 pm - Reply

    I agree that this is such a touchy subject….for some it is a God mandate to not use any birth control. Yet I have met others who feel the opposite (responsible stewardship). We have had hard pregnancies and I suffer very much during them physically & mentally (so does my family) so we have had to think about it responsibly as well. I tried the Natural Planning (didn’t work!) and a few others that didn’t work…for us we’ve settled on we will not take anything that could accidentally cause a miscarriage/abortion. Anything else that prevents we don’t feel any guilt on. Again, there’s so much to consider though.
    Thanks for sharing your heart & linking up at Mom 2 Mom Encouragement Linky. Glad you could join us.
    Rachael @

    • Latisha Barker January 13, 2015 at 6:37 am - Reply

      Hi Rachel,

      Thank you so much for sharing. I pray God gives me wisdom in this matter. I believe the greatest teacher is experience. Although, I would like not to experience an accidental pregnancy right not. Trusting God and my self-discipline to prevent that is very scary to me. I am so glad I joined this link-up.

  4. Shiloh January 12, 2015 at 5:51 pm - Reply

    Yes, I also wondering about using birth control. We have 3 kids but are open to more. I struggle with 3 but I believe God will continue to give me just enough strength each day.

    • Latisha Barker January 13, 2015 at 6:21 am - Reply

      Well, the thing is to figure out what is right for you and your family, because having children though not a burden, is a huge responsibility. So definitely, getting pregnant is not something to take lightly. I like not to have any unplanned pregnancies right now, because like you I am still trying to manage with the four I have at home. The biggest thing is for us to pray everyday and take it one step at a time. God bless you in your parenting adventures.

  5. Janeen January 13, 2015 at 9:27 am - Reply

    Posts like these need to be written more often! The child debate has been going on for ever and it will continue on long after we’re gone. My youngest of 5 kids is just turning 1, and my oldest is not quite 9. We love our wild and crazy family, but I know some people probably think we’re nuts. We’re not planning on continuing pell-mell with having kids, but we’re not yet ready to shut the door on more. I just can’t imagine such a final decision!

    • Latisha Barker January 14, 2015 at 5:53 am - Reply

      Hi Janeen,
      Thank you for reading my article. I know what you mean about people thinking we’re nuts. I say that to my husband all the time, that people must think we are crazy, but I can’t imagine living any other way. Raising children is hard but if you do it right the rewards are beautiful. To see who these little blessings grow up to become would be a great adventure.

  6. Heather@To Sow a Seed January 14, 2015 at 9:00 pm - Reply

    I am currently expecting my ninth child. After each addition (via both birth and adoption) we have paused and asked God where He would have us go. Each time, we have felt Him lead us to remaining open to His will for us. Yes, people think we are nuts. Yes, my current OB has mentioned sterilization as an option and seemed bemused at our refusal. But we aren’t here for man’s approval. And truly … each time I meet another of these amazing souls God has chosen to bless us with, I feel so honored to be able to be a part of their lives.

    • Latisha Barker January 18, 2015 at 7:02 am - Reply

      Wow, I am so amazed by you. I have the desire for a big family as well but am terrified that I might not be able to manage. So far God has provided all our needs and given me the ability to manage what he has blessed me with. But the more I press forward to the life He has put on my heart the more harder and scarier it gets. I know it will be worth it but it isn’t an easy path. I am truly afraid.

  7. JuRita Buckout January 16, 2015 at 9:31 pm - Reply

    We did the ultimate and had a vasectomy, which I don’t recommend. But four years after we had it reversed and since had three more children. Now our new motto is “one baby at a time” not to think to far ahead and enjoy them when they are little. Our OLD motto was “four and no more”. You can read our entire story on my blog under “Is this your Last?” keep seeking the Lord! Love your post.

    • Latisha Barker January 18, 2015 at 6:55 am - Reply

      Wow. Thank you so much for sharing. Love your new motto. Many blessings as your family continues to grow in God’s plan for your lives. Life is a blessing. Have a blessed day.

  8. Letetia Mullenix March 13, 2015 at 11:24 am - Reply

    Pour our heart out to a blank screen can sometimes feel so intimidating. Allow me a moment to say “I FEEL you.” Both in your walk and in this situation. Like you, I try my best to lay my feet daily at His feet, and am hopefully raising my kids to do the same. I have 5 beautiful babies, but because of medical reasons, it may be best for me to stop having kids. The questions I struggle with however is this, “Can not the God who kept me from having kids until I was ready, stop me from having them when he is ready?”. And then I realize that since there are medical issues to be considered, there is always adoption. Needless to say, I feel you. :) Be encouraged!

    God bless you!


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