Have you ever noticed just as your life is getting ready to propel you from one phase to another, the atmosphere around you gets a little smoggy, the space around you gets smaller and tighter and everything seems to fall apart and malfunction. You begin to suffer from an almost severe case of claustrophobia. You get really fed-up, frustrated and lose your patience. Plus the clock tick-tocks slower than ever? Does that happen to you too or is it just me?
I remember last year, when I hopped from one Caribbean island to another in support of my husband’s unexpected decision to move. I thought I could do the small island life for a while longer.
Though we lived in a very nice home, with a beautiful view of the sea (best view we ever had) and even a spacious backyard. I still felt like I was in a prison and I could not breathe. I wanted out so badly and I knew where I wanted to be. This was not the place.
This (living there) came about due to a spur of the moment thought, which my husband often have, we decided to take a small trip to St.Vincent to visit my family, while we were waiting on a particular life-changing, future-deciding appointment. Within two or three days, he was already convinced he wanted to live there and that appointment did not seem so significant anymore.
St. Vincent is a gorgeous island, lots of natural beauty, waterfalls, mountains, coconut trees (you know the whole island vibe you see on t.v). Unlike my island of birth, which has become an Americanized Caribbean island swarming with hotels and buildings and less trees and vegetation.
I am first to admit that the people in St.Vincent are much friendlier and kinder than those of my birthplace. St.Vincent is also much cooler, which I believe has a lot to do with its natural elements, such as trees and mountains. My birthplace with it’s unbeatable stunning white sand beaches and sparkling blue-green crystal clear sea, was quite hot. Those beaches, along with my family are the only two things I’d miss of my homeland.
Did you know St. Vincent also has a Volcano? This results in black sand beaches. Not fun. That obviously topped our list of cons, in making the decision to move to this island. Luckily, the pros of our “Pros & Cons” list were longer.
Anyway, after living on the wonderful island of St. Vincent, in a beautiful home with lots of land around it (renting) for about two months. I realized despite all the good qualities this island possessed, it was not home and it just wasn’t the place for me. After battling for a while with the decision of what to do next, I realized where I wanted to be and all I had to sacrifice to get there (such as the beautiful waterfalls, beaches, the spectacular home we lived in and some of our independence).
Nevertheless, we finally came to an agreement to go back to our initial plan but literally had to wait an entire month before we could make our move. Not by choice but circumstances. So what could you do? Waiting seemed so hard and it felt like forever, just as it does right now but we finally got there. I survived the wait, just as I will now, just as I have numerous times before.
However, I am trying not to let the same unhappy, depressed, impatient emotions, which influenced my behavior, time and time again during these waiting periods be the boss of my happiness now.
Looking back at other waiting periods in my life, I realize God has a plan for us that doesn’t necessarily or practically never coincide with our plans but he has a perfect plan and timing that you just have to accept or rally against, only to bring disastrous results. I know now, He made me wait for reasons. Some I saw and some I will never know. It was never as bad as I made it out to be. There is a lot to enjoy and appreciate in the now. So I have decided I’ll wait and accept what I cannot change. I’ll trust, learn and live in the moments or at least I’ll try.
I know someday soon, my tight space will expand and I’ll be able to stretch my arms so wide, I’ll flap them in the wind, propel in the air and sore with the birds. So I’m waiting, are you?
P.S- In case you were wondering what it is I’m waiting for. I am waiting to move out of my mother-in-law’s home into our own apartment. This is the first step into carving our independence as a young family in our new country and starting our own family traditions. It is the beginning of a new season of our lives.
Here are a few of my over-500 photos taken during my time in SVG (St.Vincent and the Grenadines):